Archive for the 'Energy and Relationship' Category

Heart Dating(TM) as the Foundation for a “Strong Relationship”

Heart Dating (TM) is the process by which you use the loving power of your heart to develop the confidence in who you truly are and enter the relationship journey in pursuit of your ideal partner from a place of sharing your abundance as opposed to filling a void within yourself.

It leads to a “strong relationship” in that it is a prelude to a deep commitment to supporting each other’s fulfillment as an individual and as a member of a couple. To paraphrase author, Anais Nin, a strong relationship is one in which, rather than facing inward toward each other exclusively, two people stand side-by-side facing outward — together.

A “strong relationship”  is not a merging of two people in which two halves make a whole. Rather, it is a merging of two people in which two wholes make two even more enhanced wholes.  This may also be referred to as “conscious togetherness (TM).”

In “conscious togetherness (TM),” there is deep, mutual support for cultivating the unique gifts that each partner brings to the other and the world. Needs for both closeness and space apart are honored, and the communication channels are open to express each person’s needs and desires. Greater individual fulfillment enables each to contribute more richly to the relationship, and growing feelings of aliveness spark the relationship itself, infusing it with greater passion and energy.

Here are some suggestions to help you move toward “conscious togetherness (TM):”

1)  Pursue your own interests.

Take a class or work on a project because it interests YOU. When you are fed creatively, intellectually or emotionally, you’ll contribute more aliveness to the relationship.

2) Cultivate friendships outside of your relationship.

Your partner cannot meet all of your relational needs. Besides, it’s fun and enlivening to experience different facets of yourself through contact with others.

3) Take time alone.

In order to connect with yourself and your spiritual source, you might spend time in nature, enjoy a hot bath, journal, garden, meditate.  Whatever can bring you a sense of rejuvenation can nourish your relationship exponentially.

4) Create special time with you partner.

Relationships flourish with open, loving communication. Make time to share with your partner, to nourish the bond of intimacy. That loving bond will support you both in powerfully contributing to the world outside your relationship, as well as within it.

Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks in Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, refer to a “strong relationship” as a “co-creative relationship.” It is one in which two people access more of their creativity as a result of their loving interaction.” “Out of the harmony of a co-committed relationship springs an enhanced energy that enables both partners to make a greater contribution than either one could have made alone.”

Regardless of the term used for a “strong relationship,” the key is to come from a place of abundance which is achieved by using the loving power of your heart.

Published on Wednesday June 16, 2010 in Energy and Relationship, Nurturing Your New Relationship, Start with Self-Love and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

What Does “Self-Love” Have to Do With Finding Your Soul Mate?

The partner you are with or the partner on the way is very much a reflection of what is inside you, your “level of energy,” your perception of  ”self.”  The level of energy at which you operate and project to the world determines the quality and depth of character of others you draw to yourself.

Many of us believe that if we love ourselves, we may be considered “Narcisistic,” and potential partners will be repelled rather than attracted.   The legend of Narcissus tells of a young boy who, upon seeing his reflection in a clear fountain with water like a mirror, fell hopelessly in love with himself.  Unable to tear his gaze away from his reflection, he could not eat, could not sleep, until finally, he pined away and died.

This legend supports our pre-conditioned belief that, as women, if we love ourselves, we are perceived as selfish and self-centered.  In fact, the opposite is true.  Self-love is an honoring of the “self” that requires a high degree of independence and courage.  When you love yourself, you are more able to love and receive love from others.   When you don’t love yourself, you are more likely to avoid commitments, stay in destructive relationships, and remain more isolated.  Unlike Narcissus, when you look in the mirror, you are more likely to turn away.

The primary difference between those who practice self-love and those who don’t is their belief about themselves.  Nathaniel Branden in his book on self-esteem wrote, “Of all the judgments that we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves,  for that judgment touches the very center of our existence.”  When we are our harshest critics finding fault with ourselves, we stifle our inner radiance and move through the world with a negative energy.  To the contrary, when we act from authentic “self-love,” we live according to our values and there is a beauty that shines from within. We are more at ease in the world.

“To honor the self,” according to Branden, “is to be in love with our own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing joy, in love with the process of discovery and exploring our distinctively human potentialities.”

When you are clear who YOU are in relationship, you can build relationships that align with your most important values.  Honoring who you are in your relationship enables you to fully express yourself and your “level of energy” remains high enabling you to attract the relationship that you truly deserve.

So to answer the question, “What does self-love have to do with finding your soul mate?”  Everything.

Published on Wednesday May 19, 2010 in Energy and Relationship, First Date Preparation and Start with Self-Love. 0 Comments

Is Your “Inner Entrepreneur” Keeping You from Finding a Loving Relationship?

Your love life doesn’t have to suffer because you are building your own business. There is room in your heart for both.

Women entrepreneurs I work with are under the false assumption that it’s not possible to have the energy and time to find an ideal romantic relationship and build a successful business at the same time. It’s a natural tendency to make earning money a priority, but it can really cut into a woman’s love life to the point where it may not exist! Of course that course leads to being lonely and overworked.

You can have it all when you follow certain guidelines to achieve a level of satisfaction in both areas of your life: setting priorities, getting organized, managing time more efficiently, etc. These strategies may be effective for the short term, but the results they produce usually don’t last because they focus on changing behavior rather than addressing the core thinking leading to those behaviors. These behavioral changes result from an outer influences that cause you to act against your natural tendencies, rather than a shift deep within leading to sustainable change.

I know you can “have it all” when you treat the pursuit of your love life with the same passion and commitment as you treat the building of your business. When you choose to live in accordance with your core values you engage in the process of “Self-Mastery.” When your efforts in business and relationship are in alignment with your core values, you automatically resonate with success. This automatically attracts business opportunities, and dating opportunities, which ultimately allow you to step into your unlimited potential.

The unique process I use approaches achieving changes in your life from a shift in “core” energy, as opposed to responding to externally imposed guidelines. It helps the individual discover the beliefs  adopted and perceptions picked up over time. Due to these beliefs and perceptions, a person develops default tendencies which either support the notion of “having it all” or reject it.

You can become conscious of how these default tendencies have guided your thoughts, feelings and actions and driven your ability to “have it all” or not. By shifting your behaviors from this core level, you are able to experience sustainable change. You can have it all!

Published on Wednesday April 28, 2010 in Energy and Relationship. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

3 Quick Tips For Finding the Perfect Relationship

One glorious spring afternoon, much like today, my mentor and I were sitting down to a cup of tea.  I was telling him that I have realized that my mission in life is to support and empower women to find their ideal partner. I explained that it had been a long and introspective journey for me.  When I was clear about what I wanted in a mate and loved myself more, I was finally ready to connect with another. I have now realized the bliss of heartfelt connection and love with another, and … with myself.

He understood just what I meant and offered me the following to share with my clients.  He further explained that it rarely fails for the people who have tried these tips:

TIP #1.     List 20 characteristics of your perfect mate.  (These can be personality traits, physical qualities, etc. – whatever is important to you.  You can list more that 20 if you wish.  I recommend that you do not be bashful.  Go for the gold and describe your perfect mate – No Limitations!

TIP#2.     Describe the person you want to be when you meet this person and then go about becoming this person.

TIP #3.     List all the things you want to do before you get yourself into a committed relationship and start doing them. (If you want to take a cruise with your single friends – do it, if you want to do a 2 week “Vision Quest” – do it.  If you want to hitchhike across Europe – do it, etc.)

I invite you to give this a try and please  remember, “There is Power in the Particular.”

Published on Saturday April 3, 2010 in Energy and Relationship, First Date Preparation and Start with Self-Love. 0 Comments

Compassion

Compassion is a fundamental building block within a relationship in that it provides a “sympathetic consciousness of the others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.”  Applying compassion in relationships is important in order to develop deeper connection.

To better understand the elements of compassion, it is necessary to keep in mind, a model used in coaching called the “Process of Manifestation” which teaches that thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to actions, and actions lead to results (T+F+A= R).  How does compassion manifest?

It requires that we examine our core thought (T) to align it with that of our partner’s.  This then produces a feeling (F) showing that we understand how the other person feels (empathy).  We then ultimately act (A) on that understanding demonstrating compassion (either verbally or physically.)  When two persons in an intimate relationship feel compassion for one another, judgment lessens, defense lessens and it deepens the level of connection (R) between the partners.

In my own experience with my life partner, by knowing this process, whenever I have experienced anger, I have been able to go back to my core thought (although not necessarily at that moment) and replace it with a thought that ultimaely leads me to compassion.

Published on Wednesday September 9, 2009 in Energy and Relationship and Nurturing Your New Relationship. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .