The partner you are with or the partner on the way is very much a reflection of what is inside you, your “level of energy,” your perception of ”self.” The level of energy at which you operate and project to the world determines the quality and depth of character of others you draw to yourself.
Many of us believe that if we love ourselves, we may be considered “Narcisistic,” and potential partners will be repelled rather than attracted. The legend of Narcissus tells of a young boy who, upon seeing his reflection in a clear fountain with water like a mirror, fell hopelessly in love with himself. Unable to tear his gaze away from his reflection, he could not eat, could not sleep, until finally, he pined away and died.
This legend supports our pre-conditioned belief that, as women, if we love ourselves, we are perceived as selfish and self-centered. In fact, the opposite is true. Self-love is an honoring of the “self” that requires a high degree of independence and courage. When you love yourself, you are more able to love and receive love from others. When you don’t love yourself, you are more likely to avoid commitments, stay in destructive relationships, and remain more isolated. Unlike Narcissus, when you look in the mirror, you are more likely to turn away.
The primary difference between those who practice self-love and those who don’t is their belief about themselves. Nathaniel Branden in his book on self-esteem wrote, “Of all the judgments that we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves, for that judgment touches the very center of our existence.” When we are our harshest critics finding fault with ourselves, we stifle our inner radiance and move through the world with a negative energy. To the contrary, when we act from authentic “self-love,” we live according to our values and there is a beauty that shines from within. We are more at ease in the world.
“To honor the self,” according to Branden, “is to be in love with our own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing joy, in love with the process of discovery and exploring our distinctively human potentialities.”
When you are clear who YOU are in relationship, you can build relationships that align with your most important values. Honoring who you are in your relationship enables you to fully express yourself and your “level of energy” remains high enabling you to attract the relationship that you truly deserve.
So to answer the question, “What does self-love have to do with finding your soul mate?” Everything.
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