Have you ever found yourself wanting a relationship, yet when the opportunity presents itself you find yourself blocked? You’re not alone. Loving someone is risky business. It’s natural for fear to be present when it comes to finding a relationship. But when fear operates in your life in a way that is counterproductive and hurts you, it becomes a problem. Recognizing how these fears affect your life can help you shift your mindset to get the love you want.
1. Fear of losing freedom. Tied down, trapped, cornered, stuck—this “claustrophobia” points to mistaken beliefs about what relationships are supposed to be.
2. Fear of conflict. Let’s face it, love can be messy. But it doesn’t have to be destructive. Constructive communication skills can be learned.
3. Fear of change. Change means work, discomfort, uncertainty. But real rewards come from growth and depth and renewal!
4. Fear of giving up or losing control. We don’t have to surrender personal power in a healthy relationship.
5. Fear of pain. Ultimately, we must decide whether we trust fear or trust love.
6. Fear of being “found out.” When we hide our true self from those we love, we’re usually afraid that our true self is unlovable.
7. Fear of losing self. Often this comes from watching others (parent, friend, relative) suppress their individuality in relationship.
8. Fear of not being enough. When we fear our own inadequacy, we often expect perfection in our partners.
9. Fear of rejection. To avoid being rejected, we may become “pleasers,” removing our authentic needs and desires from the equation.
10. Fear of dependency. Some worry about losing the ability to take care of themselves, some about the responsibility for others.
If any of these resonate for you, I invite you to remember that “FEAR” is nothing more that False Evidence Appearing Real.
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